Yesterday, I had a consultation client who had just broken up and was afraid of failing again. She kept repeating the same complaint: "My relationships always fail. I'm afraid to start again."
Have you ever felt like this? You've been in relationships many times, but they always fail.
Even if a relationship fails, a breakup isn't a failure if you can learn valuable lessons from the experience and become smarter.
If you don't learn anything after a breakup, that's failure. You've wasted time, energy, thoughts, emotions, and even heartbreak, but you haven't learned anything. It's a waste.
Every relationship is a source of experience and lessons, a way to level up and become smarter. So, there's no need to feel like a failure if you've dated and broken up again.
Life is all about trial and error, including relationships. There's nothing wrong with that. It's better to try and fail than never to try at all.
So every time your relationship fails, don't beat yourself up by thinking, "Why do I always fail at relationships? I'm tired of failing all the time."
But you should think like this: "What lessons can I learn from yesterday's failure so that my next relationship can be better?"
Examples of positive lessons you can learn after a breakup:
In your previous relationship, you were too indifferent and inattentive to your partner, which led to frequent complaints. Over time, they became repulsed, and they eventually broke up.
So, learn from that and improve your attitude! In your next relationship, don't be so indifferent; be more attentive and respectful to your partner.
In your previous relationship, you were extremely selfish, jealous, possessive, sulking at the slightest hint of a breakup, and often made your partner stressed out with your behavior.
After breaking up and reflecting, you realized your mistakes and decided to change. In your next relationship, you became less selfish, more understanding, less jealous, and less sulky.
In your previous relationship, you had a toxic partner who was rude, often put down, often called names, didn't appreciate your efforts, and often disappeared without a word, stressing you out every day.
After a breakup, you realize your worth and don't want to be treated that way again. You become more careful in choosing partners, have clear boundaries, become more assertive, and become less tolerant of toxic behavior.
These aren't failures, they're successes!
Even if your relationship fails, if you can learn from it and become a better, more mature, smarter, more patient person, and understand how to build relationships better, then that failure is a success.
In other areas, such as business and career, you understand that to achieve success, you must fail many times, then get back up, try again, and try again.
But why, in love, do you suddenly forget that principle, wanting to try and succeed immediately? That's strange!
I often say in STAR LOVE videos discussing breakups that love, like any other aspect of life, will have many failures. But if you get back up and continue to improve yourself, those failures will actually lead to success.
Take this famous Michael Jordan quote, for example. He said he missed 9,000 shots in his career. But that's what made him successful.
It's the same with love: if you fail, try again, don't give up (but don't date 9,000 times, though).
Breaking up means you've invested a lot of time, energy, emotions, and money. This is what makes it so painful. So don't let it go to waste; take as many valuable lessons as possible from the experience.
It's like squeezing an orange; squeeze out all the juice, don't leave a single drop. When you break up, squeeze out everything you can learn and use it to build yourself into a better person and partner.
